Not to speak ill of the fine work done by voice actors in gaming, but there are games which should rightly come with free ear plugs. As a suggestion, here’s our list of top 5 most irritating voices in video game history:

5) Metal Gear Solid

When you die in Metal Gear Solid (which when you’re me, happens a lot), you sometimes hear this guy…

That’s the epic Paul Eiding voicing the Colonel, making your horrible death seem quite frankly awesome. It’s also one of the most iconic pieces of voice acting in video game history. But sometimes, just sometimes, you get Mai Ling…

If you’re having a bad run on Metal Gear, you’re treated to repeated cries of “SNAAAKE” from someone who sounds like Joe Pasquale being run through a mangle. I’m not sure if she’s sad about Snake’s death or she’s being attacked by an actual snake. But then I suppose the answer would be, don’t die. It’s a bit of voice work you can avoid, unlike…

4) Halo Reach

I’ve no problems with Noble Team when it comes to voice work, although I would like to have a word with Kat about her driving. The Grunts are a squeaky delight as ever and no-one can say “wort wort wort!” like an Elite. No, the voice that grates on my nerves in Reach is that sodding multiplayer announcer.

Before fans of Jeff Steitzer’s work come to tear me a new one, I’ve nothing but love for the guy. It’s not his fault really, more of a game mechanic issue.

If you go for a game of Multi-Ball, for example, you will hear nothing but “Gained the lead. Lost the lead. Tied the leader. Lost the lead. Gained the lead. Tied the leader” for what feels like an unbearable eternity. He just doesn’t stop! Plus there’s the way he barks the word “SWAT!” at you, as though he’s disgusted to see anyone bothering with the gametype. Still, it’s another one where the game is to blame more than the voice. Unlike…

3) Super Mario 64

Look, I love the chubby little Italian plumber as much as the next guy and Super Mario 64 was a wonderful, wonderful game. But what the hell was with his voice? Oh, “Hup!” was fine, “WAHOO!” was great and “WAAAAAAHHHHH!!!” was always a delight to hear as you plummeted from a great height, but if you leave Mario to fall asleep…

Oh dear lord above, why?! Of course, I suppose it was more of a fond dig at the Italians, unlike the borderline racism of the “Hee Haw Hee Haw” voices of the French squirrels in Conkers Bad Fur Day, but then again they were quite funny. Mind you, Mario didn’t make me cringe even half as much as…

2) Fable

Do battle in Fable and the most horrific thing you would face was never the swords or arrows or swirling fireballs. It was the voice of the Guildmaster.

“Your health is low”
Yeah, you’ll get that when you take a sword to the thorax chief.
“Your health is low”
Well, not overly. Just took a potion and everyth-
“Your health is low”
I was stung by a bee! I’m fine!
“Your health is low”
GRRAARRGGHH!!!

Even Lionhead realised what a horrific irritation the Guildmaster could be, one of the Fable 2 loading screens mentioned his body being found with the words “Your health is low” carved into his forehead.

I didn’t do it, I swear. But all others pale in comparison to…

1) Legend Of Zelda

An honourable mention goes out to that godawful “SPLISH!” from Wind Waker, but the ultimate award for ear-bleeding voice horror must go to…

Of course it’s Navi, it was always going to be Navi.

That floaty, gibbering nuisance was almost enough to make me want to burn my N64 in an attempt to appease whatever dark entities had sent the blue ball of botheration to test me.

I love all five of the games listed above, but those characters have their moments which just make you want to curl up in a ball and rock yourself to sleep. At which point, you’ll dream of pasta.

BONUS ENTRY!

This guy…Damn this guy…

What are your most irritating voices in gaming history? Have we missed any major ones from our list? Let us know in the comments below or hit us up on Twitter.